Wha'dyou Expect?

My university (as I assume it is with most other universities) has various wicker baskets around campus (service centers, health center, other centers, etc.) filled to the brim with condoms.  Promoting safe sex: it's a wonderful thing.  But after returning from my fall semester in London I noticed that, along with the regular spermicidal lubricated condoms (to kill off any of the buggers that try to escape!), there were now Magnums you could get.  Magnums.  For big, floppy, donkey shlongs.

Here are the various problems I see with this:

1.  You can totally fit a regular size condom on a massive penis.  You can fucking put your entire hand in one of those things.  In fact, I think I saw a girl walking around yesterday with a mini skirt, Uggs, and a Trojan on each leg.
2.  The dickweeds at my school who think their massive penises require these Hefty bags don't need any more ego inflation.  Although, if it gets them to actually use protection, pile 'em on I guess.
3.  This here dickweed doesn't need any more ego deflation.  One night I was with a lady and decided to try a Magnum to see if I could get away with it.  It was like my dick had its own tent.  When I came I could hear the echo.  I don't need this memory bitchslapping me in the face every time I go to the nurse for a cough drop.

Nobody actually needs one of these things.  "But Nick!" you say.  "The regular ones are way too tight!"  Perfect.  They'll cut the circulation of blood, thereby making your erection far less large then it would/might/ought to/should be.

My apologies to anyone who actually has a massive penis that requires a Magnum.  I envy you, sir/madam.