Idea #1

There should be a game called "Guitar Gyro," where you're this Greek who has to rock out on guitar to save your family's gyro business.

I'm so smart I should fight crime.

Nick Bailey: Globetrotter!

I recently took a daytrip to Windsor Castle, Stonehenge ("Where the demons dwell!  Where the banshees live and they do live well!"), and Bath! I've been in London this past semester, for those X-ers who don't know. Check out these awesome pics!

Windsor!

Stonehenge!  ("Where a man's a man!  And the children dance to the pipes of Pan!")

Bath!

Wow!

I'm an American!

The other day I saw two Middle Eastern-looking guys each carrying an end of a giant black duffel bag.

...

I'm just saying.

A Tract of Open, Peaty Wasteland Overgrown with Heath? Or a Mixed Berber and Arab Muslim from North Africa? You Be the Judge.

I recently waited five hours in the freezing cold for tickets to Othello, the Moor of Venice.  And I was happy to do it.  I thought, Sweet!  Finally, a play about swamps!  Little did I know that it was not a play about moors that are swamps, but rather a play about moors that are a black guy.  Needless to say I was pissed.  Not because I hate blacks or anything.  I just really love swamps.

*Note to self:  Adapt Othello into comedy vehicle for Jamie Kennedy and Cedric the Entertainer.

Nobody Shares My Hobbies

Leta:  Sometimes when I'm really bored at night–
Me:    You murder hobos?
Leta:  What?
Me:    Nothing.

Christmastime is Here

A little neighbor boy asked me if Santa was real.  I told him no.  I still maintain he was planning to hang himself before he asked me.

Maxim is Staffed with Jerks

Maxim, the scared man's porn, recently listed their top 14 worst Christmas films, citing It's a Wonderful Life as #1.  I'm so angry it makes me want to apply to Maxim as an intern, then quickly work my way up to assistant, researcher, writer, editor, and eventually editor-in-chief so I can severely dock the pay of whoever wrote this.

Damn You, Prime Minister!

A man with a gun once told me to masturbate to this picture of Margaret Thatcher:

Needless to say, my entire family is now dead.

Do You Think Tinkerbell Put Out?

I'll bet she totally did.

Whore.

Now That It's Here...

What the fuck am I going to do with it?  Well, X-ers (I'm trying to think of something to call you guys who read my blog.  Will anybody read this blog?), I'm always thinking and saying such witty things, it's about DAMN time I spread them all over the inter-webs like some sort of awful, awful disease that eats away at your insides.  Like ebola, or being a Republican.

I'll probably be posting a lot of humor, scripts, stories, the odd photo, and these little cartoons I've just started drawring.  But not yet.  It's only just begun.  Now that I've given the details, I'll just sit back and wait for your mouths to salivate (did I just bust a flow...?).

Until next time, don't be a jackass!

The Nick Bailey Experience

A girl once gave me this nickname.  When you're saying something stupid, when you're telling a story that goes nowhere, when you try to make a joke, when you're an asshole, when you're just being a dumb cunt–I will be there.  It may be a look.  It make be a comment.  It may be a correction.  It may be an insult.  It may be a joke at your expense.  But whatever it is...

...you just got Experienced.